What it's like on the 5th time around.

This pregnancy is #5 for our family and it's taken me this long to realize there is just no getting around it. I get sick. Very sick. There is no pill I can take, no remedy I can apply. I get nauseous and it doesn't go away day or night and I am exhausted after walking to the bathroom.

Baby = sicky for 5 months straight.

I am determined that being sick will not deprive me of enjoying my husband and my children. The house is a wreck, the kids are dressed like orphans, and I have not showered in 3 days. Don't care. That is my life for now and I will live it. It is worth it.

So, accepting that, we moved ahead and did some things differently this time around:

1. We accepted help: offers to bring dinner, take the kids, help clean. People want to help and it is a blessing for us to accept it.

2. We hired help: things worked out so that my sister Amanda is home from college and in need of a job. I needed someone who wouldn't care if I didn't get out of bed and could dress the littles, feed them breakfast, and start a load of laundry. Perfect. We pay her to come every morning and do what I can't.

Doing just these 2 things has made all the difference in the world. I don't resent my children for needing things. I look forward to seeing my husband but I don't cling to him pleading that he won't go back to work (oh yes, did that through the other 4 pregnancies). Alternately, he doesn't come home to a desperate woman, hungry kids, and no dinner every night. The dishes are washed and put away and most of the laundry is done, as opposed to nothing being done, nobody brings dinner and the burden is entirely on the shoulders of the man who has been working since 2 am.

There has also been physical proof that these changes have made a gigantic difference. Every pregnancy I lose between 10-15 pounds in these sick months. To date (13 weeks along) I have lost only 2 pounds! It is a huge victory for me and I am thrilled with the difference.

I would like to write something uplifting and warm about being pregnant and carrying God's precious gift. But such things are very difficult to write when you are in survival mode. I do have plenty to say, however, on the subject of the grace of God. He alone provides enough love for my children when I am debilitated. He fills my heart with understanding and compassion for my husband even though I am suffering. And He provides strength to my soul. That is what I have learned through all of this. I would do it again if that is all I learned.